"We Have Your Daughter In the Office...."

When I was growing up, I caught every little virus or bug that went through. I had the stomach flu at least once every six weeks. And that came right outta no where. I'd be sitting in the classroom feeling just fine when all of a sudden, watch out world, I'm going to barf. I'd go flying for the door and nine times out of ten, I wouldn't make it, and I'd throw up right in the door way as all the students watched in horror and the teacher's eyeballs rolled back in her head for the millionth time. Then of course, the custodian would come in and have to clean it up as I sat there completely wanting to die, and that powder stuff they use on the floor to, well, solidify what wasn't already solidified, smelled worse than the non-solidified puddle. Until my mother came to get me, I had to endure the whispers of my classmates about how I made the whole room stink. Then I'd go home and spend the rest of the night and the next morning vomiting 25+ times...in fact my mother used to say it was nearly violent, what would happen to me.

Another time, I had a slumber party with 19 girls. I turned 9 that year. Not only didn't we sleep, but we had cake frosting fights in the middle of the night after playing truth or dare..And then I had the bright idea to show my friends the next morning how I had learned to cook in our brand new microwave oven. I made everyone scrambled eggs. Only they didn't cook all the way through, but I told my friends, that's what microwave eggs always look like and they ate it up. Literally. By the time their parents came, they were near sick, overtired and some in tears from overstimulation. After everyone went home, I sat on the couch in sort of a daze. I must've started to look green, because my mom walked over to me and kept asking me what was wrong. I didn't answer. She started talking with her hands, you know--with her palm up in front of me, in that international sign language for "tell me right now" ... Well, I did. I barfed right in her open palm.

Then there was the time I got Scarlet Fever. I had raging fevers and my mom tried to put me in the bathtub to reduce the high temps and even warm water felt freezing to me. I was like a cat trying to escape the water. My legs got so weak, that I had to sleep in a bed on the main floor in the den because I couldn't go up and down the stairs. I think I was seven. I was given children's chewable Tylenol every few hours, but I got so sick of the taste that I started pretending to take them and when my parents weren't looking, I shoved them between the bed and wall. No wonder it took so long to get better--it's really a miracle that I lived through it. It was around Christmas, too, and I had to be carried into the living room to open presents. Truly not an illness I'd wish on my worst enemy. (The next summer, the furniture got moved out of that room, and we found a dozen little Tylenol tablets in the carpet.)

Flu, Mono, Scarlet Fever, Chicken Pox---OH yes, the Chicken Pox. That was when I started itching all over and when my mom told me I had Chicken Pox, I insisted that they were only mosquito bites. In February. Pneumonia was fun, too. I had to visit with my friends through the window by waving and drawing pictures and notes to hold up to the glass.

So yeah, I was just one of those sick kids. Thankfully that all stopped about the time I started to experience PMS migraines. Nowadays, other than the migraines, I get sick about once a year. I figure I paid my dues enough as a kid. I don't deserve to be sick any more than once a year.

My children have been fairly healthy. They all went through the cold-catching when they started school, and if the stomach flu goes around, they sometimes catch it. Nothing like when I was a kid though, thank God. So you'd think they would feel lucky that they are so rarely sick! However, two of the three often seem to invent illnesses.

The oldest one has spent a good portion of middle school calling home with headaches. I never want my children to suffer and I always would go right to school and bring him home. But I started to notice how quickly he'd recover once he was in the car. Often, he would complain about being hungry and want McDonald's and by the time we were home, he was back to his old self (even though I'd send him with huge lunches,... I swear these were NOT hunger headaches!) Then he developed retinal migraines after a sledding accident left him with seizure activity showing up on MRIs--he doesn't have pain, he just has momentary loss of vision--it all goes black, for two seconds. So of course, when he called home with vision issues, I flew to the school as if he was on his death bed. Didn't take me long to realize he was often milking it for all it was worth. Now that he's in 9th grade, he doesn't seem to be calling home at all (knock on wood).

So, imagine my surprise today when the school secretary called and said they had my "beautiful daughter, Jillian Lucrecia" in the office with a sore throat and tummy ache. The secretary told me she was brought down by a classmate and while she was on the phone with me, the two girls were giggling and that honestly, Jillian did not appear to be sick. I asked to talk to her on the phone. "Hi Mom, it's me Jillian."

"HI Jillian, how are you?" I asked.

"Well, I have a sore throat and a tummy ache ...and, um, just a minute." Then she asked the secretary, "Miss Glenda? What else is wrong with me?" to which was replied, "Jillian, you told me a sore throat and a tummy ache." Jillian continued with me, "Yeah, that's all that's wrong with me. But I think I feel sick because I don't like crust and you left the crust on my sandwich and I ate it and now I have a sore throat and tummy ache and you have to come get me."

"Jillian, remember how far out in the country we live? It will take me a good hour to come get you. Why don't you go back to your class and if you don't feel good again, Miss Glenda will give you the phone to call me." I said,

"No Mom, I want to stay right here in the office. Where the comfy chairs are. I like it in the office!"

"Jillian, please put Miss Glenda back on the phone. I love you."

"Bye Mom! Love you!" and off she went. Miss Glenda told me the friend that brought her to the office just then grabbed her arm and they ran off back to Art class. I never heard back from the school again.

When I went to pick her up, I asked her teacher how she was doing. Her teacher related that the Art instructor said Jillian had asked to go to the office because she had an earache. ??? That's funny, she never complained of an earache to me or to the secretary! By now it was surely apparent that Jillian was pulling symptoms off the top of her head. When she came out of class, I told her I thought with all these sicknesses she was suffering that it was time we went to the hospital to get some shots to make it all go away. She said NO WAY, she just needs me to take care of her because she's FAMILY. (ha what a girl.) I stopped by the office on my way out of the building and told Glenda about the earache, which made her chuckle. She pulled me aside and told me it was just kid stuff. She whispered, "It's ok. Last week we had a five year old girl come out of kindergarten to call her mom, because she thought she had ANGINA!"

So, by the time we got home, Jillian told me she was all better (big surprise) and that there was no need for the hospital. All has been well ever since.

I wonder what the kids would do if I called MY mom to come get me because I wasn't feeling well. Hmmm....I just might have to try that. Somehow I think the kids would survive it. My husband? Not so much.